A Lost Connection
by moonservant
Summary: Teddy Lupin has been left with hardly any information about his father. In his desperation, he's willing to do anything to connect to his past, even if that means risking his life. One-shot


As Teddy Lupin stood in the middle of the Forbidden Forest listening to the howls of werewolves, he reflected once again on why he was doing this. For years, the full moon had fascinated him, a trait he associated with his father. When he was little, he used to look up at it and wonder if his father was watching him. He took comfort from those thoughts. Like his godfather, Harry, Teddy was an orphan of Voldemort's war. Both his parents had died when he was less than a year old in the Battle of Hogwarts. He'd struggled his entire life to learn all he could about his parents and relate to them.

Learning about his mother was easy. He had a close relationship with his grandparents. They'd raised him for the first five years of his life until Harry was in a position to take on a child. Even then, he visited every weekend. No, he knew everything about his mother. He knew she hated her name, Nymphadora, and preferred to go by Tonks, a fact that drove Grandma Andromeda crazy. On any given day, she might sport a different hair color, but her favorite was a hot pink spikes. She was terribly clumsy, but by some miracle, never broke a bone in her life. Teddy shared her favorite subjects at Hogwarts, Potions and Transfiguration, and struggled with Charms as she did, though he was assured he could levitate plates better. He only smashed 25% of his until her 75% drop rate. He knew everything about his mother.

His father, on the other hand, was a mystery. His family knew very little of him. They had been students of his, and knew him very slightly outside of class. They could not tell him what his hopes and dreams had been. They didn't know his passions, outside of books and chocolate. He didn't know who Remus Lupin had truly been outside of the courageous hero about whom everyone talked. And this was a serious problem for him.

He had asked Harry once how he stayed connected to everyone he lost, his parents and Sirius Black. Harry explained that little things helped him, such as playing Quidditch, looking at a few photographs he had, a letter from his mother, and although he hated the reminded, his looks. Harry was a brilliant combination of his mother and father. He also had a few of their belongings such as the Invisibility Cloak and the Marauder's Map that James and Sirius had both made, along with Teddy's dad. However, not knowing anything about Remus Lupin, he didn't feel the connection Harry did.

Teddy had searched for a way to connect to his father, but with so little information, he couldn't do what Harry did. He didn't know if his father had any hobbies or great passions. No one could tell him what his favorite class had been for sure. He'd tried Harry's connection of looks, but he was a Black through and through. He was only a Lupin by blood, not appearance. Anything he did to look like his dad was just a disguise. It made him feel beyond guilty to admit it, but sometimes, he couldn't think he had a father.

This is why he was here now. He really only knew two things for sure. First, his father had been a werewolf. Second, it had been his greatest fear that he, Teddy, would be a werewolf. Ironically, it was his greatest wish to become one. They had just finished learning about them in class, and it had been the most painful two weeks of his life. He dreamt of writing home, to ask his dad if this was true, or what a transformation was really like. He always woke up just before he got those answers. He actually missed class for a day just to allow him to cry.

During that day, he finally decided to go through with this vague idea he had had for years. On the full moon, one could hear the full moon off in the distance. As a first year, he thought his fascination with the howls was like his pull towards the moon, a connection from his father. Now though, he understood it was not his father's doing, but the lack of knowledge that drew him towards his one opportunity to connect to his man. While he was impulsive by nature, like his mother, he had thought long and hard about this, and knew it was the right decision for him.

So here he stood, surrounded by creatures that would forever change his life… if he survived. He whispered the spells he would need to get away once the first bite was delivered. He had only practiced them for a little while, but he was confident that he would be able to get away. With his wand gripped tightly in his hand, he stepped on a stick, causing it to snap loudly in the silent night. The bushes sang as something massive lurked behind it. It was only now that Teddy wondered if werewolves in this forest traveled in packs, and a new sense of fear ran through him. But only one wolf appeared.

At first he wondered if this was but an ordinary wolf, but then he managed to see the slight differences. This was a large silvery male whose fir was laced with scars. Teddy wondered if this was what his father would have looked like. The werewolf growled, but Teddy did not move. A nervous anticipation joined his fear. With a tensing of the muscles, the wolf leaped and sunk his teeth into Teddy's leg, forever tainting him with the curse. Even as pain stung his eyes and grabbed at his throat, Teddy managed to scream out the curses that miraculously obeyed him. The werewolf tried several times to get at him, but Teddy was a natural dueler and managed to finally put the wolf at bay enough to make a run for it. It took the wolf awhile to realize that his meal was fleeing and Teddy was forced to fire behind him, a feat made difficult by his injured leg and lack of experience.

Finally though, he was safe behind the castle walls. He collapsed in the Entrance Hall, exhausted from his sprint. His blood was on fire as the curse spread through him, but he didn't mind the pain. Now, he was truly his father's son, if for no other reason than that he would share his burden.

As a prefect cried out for help upon discovering the collapsed, bleeding child, an angel cried overhead. While there was not supposed to be guilt in the afterlife, Remus Lupin could not help letting it spread through every molecule of his mystical being. His son, the most important being in the world to him, would now share the same terror he had suffered for so long, and it was his entire fault. He had thought he had spared Teddy that horror after the first full moon of his life, but by fighting to give him a better future, he had forced the child to this. He should have stayed behind. There were plenty of people to help Harry, but he fought anyways. Now, he had deprived him of the one thing had ever wanted in life: a family. He should have stayed with his son.

A/N: This was something that's been weighing on my mind for awhile and I just wanted to put it out there. I'm not the biggest fan of Teddy, mainly because I felt he was too similar to Harry for my liking, but I am rather fascinated about how he would deal with his grief. Harry was surrounded by people he knew James and Lily, but not Teddy. So this is what I could have seen happening. Tell me what you think!


End file.
